Well, how ARE you doing? What’s your answer? My question is: Do you even care?
We all toss out a lot of words and phrases without putting much thought into them. Love, hate, I’m gonna kill you, et al, but do we really think about what it is that we’re saying, or in this case, asking?
I get asked this very question dozens of times a day at work, and of course I’m expected to give the typical brain dead response of “fine, and you?” Truth of the matter is, I don’t like my job, and especially towards the end of my shift, I’m not doing fine at all. There are a lot of rude people out there and tons more that simply look and talk down to people that work in the industry I’m in, and it does start to take its toll after a while.
A good portion of the time, I just ignore the question and go on about my business. The last few days, however, I’ve been paying special attention to how people respond when I actually give an answer. You really get a sense of just how little people actually care about how you’re doing when you tell them the truth, and often times, it’s rather amusing.
If I answer “horrible” or some variation, shocked or confused faces generally follow.
“At least you have a job.”
“Yeah, I guess you can call it that.”
The best responses come from “I work in fast food, how do you think I’m doing.” I get a pretty good variety of responses here. Sometimes a good laugh follows by both parties, but more often than not, you can still read the disdain on their face. Other times people will again attempt to tell me how lucky I am to have a job, and while I am thankful to be working, I know they have never stepped foot in this industry.
What really tells the story though is when you give the expected answer. They’re just making small talk. A large portion don’t even look in your direction, let alone make eye contact. Many don’t respond to the “and you?” part. They’re too busy on their phones or making sure you know how much better than you they are.
Why ask the question if you don’t care about the answer? This question can be asked in MANY different instances. I think it’s just ingrained in our heads that we’re suppose to make polite conversation regardless of the amount of actual interest we have in the answer. Another reason is I think that we want to convey the impression that we are compassionate people. It both makes us feel better about ourselves as well as passing ourselves off in a good light to others.
True, there are those out there that have a genuine interest in the well being of others. I like to think as myself as one of them, at least in the first 4-5 hours of my shift anyway, or my days off. I find these people to be few and far between though. For the most part, I truly believe we simply don’t care. Perhaps some of them are just having a bad day themselves. I have bad days sometimes, and when I do, you can bet your bottom dollar I wont be looking to make small talk. Maybe they have a lot on their mind, and I understand that too.
Yet still, I believe that if you don’t have any real interest in knowing how I am doing, you shouldn’t ask, because I just might tell you the truth. And so until that day, when people no longer ask questions they don’t want the answer to, I’ll just say…how are YOU doing..?
